Random Crap
by KiKi-Kami-Sama
Summary: I'm bored. So I'm gunna make the Inuyasha gang do random crap. See what this girl thinks of in geometry when she suppose to be doing notes. But all random crap isn't going to be funny. Who cares because it's not just crap, it's Random Crap!
1. Lemon

**Lemon**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters.**

Inuyasha walked into Kagome's room. Kagome's cat woke up as Inuyasha yelled.

"Kagome! Are you here!"

Inuyasha noticed that the computer was flashing.

"Hey, look that thing is on."

He walked over to the computer to read what it said. Hm. It looks like Kagome has written a couple of stories."

He looked at the rating.

"Lemons? Aren't they that type of sour fruit I eat?"

He clearly pictured a very yellow lemon in his mind. (So innocent)

"Hey," exclaimed Inuyasha.

He looked at the screen. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru hot bath  
See what happens when they're both not fighting.  
Inuyasha - Fiction Rated: M - English - Drama/General - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1290 - Reviews: 106 - Updated: 9-4-05 - Published: 8-31-05

"This has my name on it."

Inuyasha started to read.

**Disclaimer: I could own Inuyasha if I wanted to.**

**Chapter 1**

Sesshoumaru gathered Inuyasha tightly in his arms. He looked up at his older brother and muttered, "Be gentle." He let out an evil cackle. He closed in on Inuyasha. With one swipe of his claws he ripped off Inuyasha's clothing and began to...

Inuyasha eyes grow big while his pupils grew small. A huge sweat drop falling from his head.

"OH MY #$ING GOD!"

When Inuyasha was back to the Feudal Era he was standing by himself still with the biggest sweat drop you could imagine.

He thought to himself _I will never eat lemons again._

Sango looked confused and turned to Kagome.

"Kagome?"

"Hm."

"What exactly happened to Inuyasha while he was at house?"

"I don't know. I was at school, but he broke my computer."


	2. The Gift

**The Gift**

**Note: This is real short and I will put this in another fanfic. Got the idea from rugrats. --**

Kagome and Inuyasha meet under the tree where they meet for the first time. It's Christmas time and they are here to exchange their gifts. The snow is falling upon their heads.

"Merry Christmas, Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha looked deep into her eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little packaged wrapped in a huge leaf.

"Happy holidays, Kagome. Kagome, I sold the Tessaiga to Sesshoumaru to buy you this beautiful new chain to keep the Shikon jewel safe."

Kagome was surprised from his thoughtfulness. But then she looked a bit nervous.

"Oh…Inuyasha, It is beautiful! But I sold the Shikon jewel to Naraku to buy you a new sheath for the Tessaiga!"

Inuyasha looked confused. Sesshoumaru and Naraku stand beside them both while they both realized what they had both done. At the same time the both said, claimly,

"Oh, crap."


	3. He's the Man

**He's the Man**

**My version of what would happen on the episode Kagome's Voice and Kikyo Kiss.**

Kikyo had just finished giving Inuyasha a passionate and enchanting kiss. Kagome was stuck to the tree about to cry. (What a sissy) Kikyo began to speak.

"Inuyasha, we are both were never meant to live. When I was alive I always dreamed of holding you like this. But we can never be. At least not like this. We are not wanted on this earth."

"I wish we can stay like this forever."

"Do you wish that, Inuyasha? Do you really wish that?"

"Yes, I will be happy as long as I'm with you."

"Then come with me. Come with me to hell."

A big hole erupted from the ground and was dragging the lovers down to hell.

"If you'd take this stupid spell off of me I can leave you two only. Maybe I'll crawl under a rock and die or something."

They were falling deeper.

"I can't stand to watch this. Let him GO!"

She did some weird thing with her hand. She stole a lot of Kikyo's souls.

"Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha woke up. He saw Kagome.

"Ka Kagome!"

He tore away from Kikyo to save Kagome from the soul stealers. He freed her but then Kikyo started talking.

"Inuyasha, does this mortal mean more to you than I do?"

"That's right Bitch!"

Kagome yelled and kissed Inuyasha harshly. Now there was gunna be a bitch fight. Priestess style. They both grabbed one of Inuyasha's arms. Fire was spurting from Kagome eyes while lighting from Kikyo.

"I saw him first!"

"Well he's mine now!"

All of a sudden Sesshoumaru showed up.

"I have an idea. How bou we slice him in half."

Both Kikyo and Kagome yelled at Sesshoumaru at the same time.

"SHUT UP!"

Sesshoumaru hid behind a tree while he sobbed. He said

"How come Inuyasha always gets the girls?"

They both picked up their bows and arrows and pointed them at each other which wasn't a good idea because Inuyasha was right in between them. Inuyasha was all like WTF? (Or TWF as me and my boyfriend like saying.) They both shoot at the same time. It looked like Inuyasha was a goner, but then a bunch of smoke showed up. Everyone started coughing. When the smoke had cleared they both looked to see if their arrow hit anything. Apparently the both ricocheted back when they hit the smoke. In the middle of the source of smoke were Inuyasha and his dad. Big WTF?

"Two mortal girls, that's my boy."

He started to noogie Inuyasha.

"WHAT THE FUCK, OLD MAN? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

Inuyasha dad just kept on laughing as he kept torturing his youngest son.


	4. I Want to Fly

**I Want to Fly**

RRR. GRRR.

Kouga goes up to Inuyasha in mock concern. Inuyasha looks constipated. Kouga decide to speak first.

"Um, Inuyasha. You know your suppose do that behind the bush, right."

"I'm not trying to crap, moron. I have a theory. I'm trying to grow a tail."

"Why do you want to grow a tail?"

"Well Sesshoumaru has a tail."

"So, your point being."

"If I had a tail like Sesshoumaru maybe I can fly like him!"

"Oh Kay… I don't think that'll work."

"Yes it will. Your just saying that because you wished you'd come up with it first."

"But I have a tail."

"That doesn't matter."

"Um, how many of I can't believe it's bacon have you had?"

"It doesn't matter I'm going to fly!"

Sesshoumaru showed up behind Inuyasha.

"If you mange to fly or not I don't care. But you can never grow a part that will make you as sexy as me."

Inuyasha was sulking.


	5. Kikyo's Thoughts

**Kikyo Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I saw this online and I thought it was cool.**

I remember the dream

That was meant to be.

I remember love,

I remember trust.

I did love you

And even though it was not you

Who betrayed me,

My heart can never

Forgive

…That you weren't there…

To save me

Though you promised to always

Protect me

It is too late

And like a shattered gem…

My heart lies in pieces

All I have left is hatred.

It was not meant to be like this.

I would give all that I am to have it back.

Alas-

My fate,

It seems,

Is only to take everything away.

And forever alone will I tread…

On broken ground.


	6. The Minions

**The Minions**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or and of its characters. I do not own the fan people except for GraviTiger on Fridays and of course myself. **

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were battling their final fight. Inuyasha raised his sword to finish off his brother once and for all. Suddenly, in the distance, came a rumbling noise. An ear splitting sound shot out from behind the hills. It was a bunch of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru fans coming, yelling after them.

"MARRY ME FLUFFY-SAMA!"

"I LOVE YOU, INU-KUN!"

All these teenage girls looked like they were coming from a cosplay convention all dressed in either a Sesshoumaru outfit or an Inuyasha. The all began to bitch fight each other. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were confused. Sweat drop

"Avenge fluffy's arm!"

"He got what's coming to him!"

Women were pulling each others hair and ripping other people shirts off. Some were even biting each other. All hell was let lose. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru glared at each other.

"What the hell is happening, Sesshoumaru?"

"I don't know."

"They seem to be fighting over us."

"Yes, yes they do."

Then they both had a brilliant idea.

"They will fight for us!" They both exclaimed.

Sesshoumaru ran to the side with all white while Inuyasha ran to the sea of red. They both cheered their team on.

"Die, Inuyasha!"

"You are an ignorant bastard!"

The battle went on for days. Women kept tearing off the two men's clothes. Not a man was in the crowd of fighting women. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were running out of clothes. The battle had to end soon or else they'd be fighting naked. (not a bad idea. Heh.) They had to do something. Inuyasha got on the shoulders of screaming girls and started yelling at Sesshoumaru.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru! Where's your arm, huh! Where's your arm!"

Sesshoumaru was getting pissed. He decided to retaliate. He stood on some girl's faces as he yelled

"It's with yo mamma bitch!"

That did it. The whole army of women began to cat fight. Everyone got slapped forcefully. Sesshoumaru was deeply wounded. All of a sudden GraviTiger came running from the middle of the crowd.

"Fluffy-Sama!"

She was wearing what seemed to be an all white tiger suit. She restored Sesshoumaru to full health. Sesshoumaru smiled at her. Everyone gasped. All the Sesshoumaru fans were all like

"Ah, he's so cute when he smiles."

And the Inuyasha fans were like

"He's smiling! Hell is about to freeze over! Run!"

They all ran for shelter.

GraviTiger and Sesshoumaru were in the middle of an open grass field.

"Is there anything I can do for you for repayment?"

"Yes! Can I bear your child?"

The Sesshoumaru side was pissed. They joined Inuyasha side to finish GraviTiger off. Miroku comes out of nowhere.

"You can always bear my children."

"I don't want you, you hentai!"

Everyone was about to kill GraviTiger of when Mimi-Kami-Sami comes in and yells

"Everyone stop!"

Everyone went silent and looked at her.

"I HAVE CORN!"

All the girls yell out

"CORNOGRAPHY!"

All the girls went home and Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were just left there, naked.

And the moral of the story is don't let anyone fight your battles for you and don't say in the middle of a bunch of Sesshoumaru fans "Can I bear your children?"


	7. Kagome's New Dog

**Kagome's New Dog**

Inuyasha: Um, Kagome? What exactly is that thing?

Kagome: It's my new puppy. Isn't it cute!"

Inuyasha: Why would you want a thing like that?"

Kagome: Because it can do tricks. Watch. Spot roll over.

Dog rolls over.

Inuyasha: What's so impressive about that? Any moron can do that. Watch.

Inuyasha falls on his back.

Kagome: That's pretty bad.

Inuyasha: Shut up!

Sesshoumaru: Inuyasha, what are you doing.

Inuyasha: What's it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to roll over.

Sesshoumaru: That is pathetic even for you.

Inuyasha: Look who's talking. At least I don't chase my tail.

Sesshoumaru is chasing his tail.

Sesshoumaru: I do not!

Kagome: In my opinion you both are pretty pathetic.

She's giving spot a dog biscuit.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru: Give us that it's mine.

They fight over it.

Dog sniff both their asses.

Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha: Get away from us!

Dog chases after them.

Kagome: Did I mention spot was a girl.


	8. Inuyasha in Therapy

**Inuyasha in Therapy**

A big group of people are sitting in a circle. They are here to talk about there feelings. Inuyasha burst through the door. "I hope I'm not too late."

"No, no we've just started. Sit down." Inuyasha sat next to the therapist. "Okay let's start with you. What's your name and why are you here?"

"My name is Inuyasha."

"Hi Inuyasha." said the group. "I am here because I have gotten raped." Everyone gasp. (You don't usually hear about men getting raped.)

"How awful. Tell us what happened."

"Well I was off on a journey to save two of my friends. I am a half-demon and I entered this purifying mountain. I was lucky I didn't die, but I was made human. I managed to escape more death and hid in a cave. I met the man who always dreamed of being with me. I couldn't defend myself. He said he couldn't get excited until I screamed. I would not scream. He beat me until I could do nothing. He raped me."

He began to cry. The therapist patted him on the back. "There, there, you'll get through this. Unfortunately a lot of women go through this as well."

"I'm not crying because I was raped. I'm crying because I was the woman. It's just like on fanfics. Why am I always the woman even with Jakotsu."

Awkward silence.


	9. Naraku's Bad Day

**Naraku's Bad Day**

Kikyo and Naraku are standing in the middle of a park.

Kikyo: Come, every one see Naraku the dancing monkey!

Inuyasha, Kagome, Rin and Sesshoumaru come to watch.

Kikyo: Look at what he can do!

Naraku: I see no evil I hear no evil I speak no evil.

Inuyasha: Hey you wanna a banana monkey?

Naraku: I'm a baboon not a monkey.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru laugh.

Naraku: It's not funny. I wouldn't be laughing at me since you're leashed to Kagome.

Sesshoumaru keeps laughing.

Naraku: And you're leased to Rin.

Sesshoumaru stops laughing.

Naraku really notices Sesshoumaru for the first time.

Naraku: You know you're very pretty.

Sesshoumaru: Huh? Oh, great not this again.

Naraku: You're much prettier than that Kikyo woman.

Tries to hit on Sesshoumaru

Sesshoumaru: I told you I'm not a woman!

Sesshoumaru transforms into a big dog demon and chases Naraku around.

Kikyo: I guess evil has no boundaries as long as they get some.

Random person one: My dog is a poodle. Isn't she gorgeous?

Random person two: Well my dog is a golden retriever. Beat that.

Rin calls back Sesshoumaru.

Rin: My dog is a demon!

The two random people run away.

Rin: Aw, they're no fun. Come on, lets go play fetch with the staff of two heads.

Naraku is slouched over panting.

Miroku: Naraku, I've found you.

Naraku: You know I don't need any more of this crap.

Miroku: We must fight. I must get rid of this wind tunnel.

Naraku: Do you even know why you have that wind tunnel?

Miroku: Ah, I've never thought of that.

Naraku: It's because you stupid grandfather pinched me in the ass!

Miroku: Well ya, you were disguised as a beautiful woman.

Naraku: No I wasn't. I was just like this.

Awkward silence.

Miroku: Well, monkey sees monkey do.


	10. Inuyasha Sick

**Inuyasha Sick**

**Note: This is an actual conversation with my boyfriend and me.**

Achoo!

. "Oh, Inuyasha your sick."

"I am not! Achhoo!"

"No you are sick. Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"To my house."

"Why are we going to your house?"

"I can take better care of you at home. You'll get better faster."

on the other side of the well

"Now, Inuyasha lay here until I get back from school. There should be some soup in the cupboard. Eat that while I'm gone."

"Whatever."

Kagome comes back from school

"I'm home Inuyasha."

"Hi."

"Do you feel better?"

"No, I feel worse."

"Did you eat?"

"Ya."

"How did you like the soup we had."

"Oh, you didn't have soup."

"Then what did you eat."

"Tomatoes."

"You ate tomatoes?"

"Ya."

"Well, duh you don't feel better. I'm going to the store to buy you some soup. Try eating something else while I'm gone."

"Fine."

Kagome comes back from the store

"I'm back Inuyasha. How are you?"

"I feel great."

"Then I got the soup for nothing."

"That's right I made my own soup."

"Um, what kind of soup did you make?"

"I call it cream of dinner."

"What's that? Don't tell me they're made from tomatoes?"

"Ya, but that's not all."

"What's in it?"

"It's made up tomatoes, steak, cream of potatoes and pork chops."

"…"

**My boyfriend also wanted me to put this up. This is another conversation that day. **

We were in French class and we were supposed to be taking notes. My boyfriend saw that two pages were stuck together. He poked me and I looked at it.

"Why's it stuck?" I asked.

"Let's see." He ripped open the two papers to find a big blue stain in it. We both started laughing.

"What is that stuff?"

My boyfriend drew two pissed off looking eyes on it and said. "Oh there was a smurf sleeping in my notebook and he wouldn't move. So I closed my notebook on him and he go squish." He pointed at the eyes. "He's not a very happy smurf. I don't think he liked get squished." We both laughed loudly.

If you are wondering what the "smurf" actually was it was a marshmallow that some one colored with a marker and my boyfriend ate it for a dollar. When I saw his hands were all blue he told me not to worry because the marker was non-toxic. Big Sweat Drop


	11. Baka

**Baka**

**Note: This is actually how baka got its meaning.**

Kagome was one day bored in school. She was flipping pages when she had noticed something interesting. When she got back to the feudal era she had to tell some one. She spotted Inuyasha first. "Hey Inuyasha!"

"What is it Kagome?"

"I want to tell you something!"

"Well can't it wait for later I was planning to take a nap right now."

"Take a nap later and listen to me!"

"No!"

"But…"

"NO!"

"Oh Inuyasha your so frustrating." He continued to walk away. "Inuyasha…SIT BOY!" Inuyasha went head first into the ground. "Now if you don't want me to do that again you listen, aw right?"

"Ya ya whatever."

"Guess what I learned in school today."

"What?"

"The word baka."

"Idiot, you know baka means moron."

"Well I found out how it got its name."

"How."

"Well ba means horse and ka means deer. There is a legend that a foolish king from the ancient Chinese Qin dynasty saw a deer and yelled out ba instead of ka. And then they gave him the nickname baka.

"… Well he really is a hoursedeer."


	12. Dating Show

**Dating Show**

MKS: Hey Mimi-Kami-Sama here and welcome to **Friday Date Night!**

Audience: Applause.

MKS: Okay, here is the contestant – Sesshoumaru!

The audience goes wild.

MKS: Now Sesshoumaru is looking for a woman to be with. The most action he's got in years is taking care of a mortal child Rin.

Rin stands up from the audience.

MKS: And as you can see that wouldn't be too good for sex. Now we have three lovely babes.

The first contest shifts a little from behind the screen

MKS: Sesshoumaru will be asking all are lovely contestant's question. Who ever he has most in common with him gets to have a date with him. Now are contestant couldn't hear what I just said. They can only hear Sesshoumaru.

Sesshy: Contestant number one. What do you like to do when you're free?

C1: I like to try and kill Inuyasha, but not before I have my way with him.

MKS: That's one thing in common.

Sesshy: Contestant number two. Do you like animals?

C2: Hell yes. In my spare time I help my mom take care of animals. My favorite type of animal is a big, white dog.

MKS: That's another thing in common.

Sesshy: Contestant number three. What is your weakness?

C3: I will not tell you. For if I did you would get the better of me.

MKS: Okay, um no points for contestant number three.

Sesshy: Contestant number one. What is your greatest wish?

C1: To see Inuyasha beg me for mercy.

MKS: Whoa two for two.

Sesshy: Contestant number two. What do you like to do on weekends?

C2: I like to read Level-C and watch men have sex together.

MKS: I don't think that was an answer anyone was excepting. No point.

Sesshy: Contestant number three. If you saw sick mortals on the ground would you help them?

C3: Of course.

MKS: Sesshoumaru only did that for Rin and I highly doubt that he would do it again. Let's go to a commercial break.

Commercial

Inuyasha: I can't believe it's not bacon.

Show

MKS: We're back so let's tally up the points.

Contestant number one: 2 for 2

Contestant number two: 1 for 2

Contestant number three: 0 for 2

It looks like contestant number one wins!

They flip the screen to see that the contestant was Jakotsu.

Sesshy: WhAt? Why are you here?

Jak: I was hoping you were Inuyasha. I don't want to date you.

MKS: Than it's a good thing you've been disqualified.

Jak: WHAT!

MKS: It says you have to be a woman to be a contestant. It's in the rules.

Jak: Where in the rules!

MKS: In rule number one.

Jakotsu stomps of the stage.

MKS: I guess you'll have to go with contestant number two.

The screen flips up to show GraviTiger in her white tiger outfit.

Gravi: Yay I get Fluffly-Sama!

MKS: Oh no you don't!

Gravi: What!

MKS: You forgot that I own you on Friday's!

Gravi: No let me bear his children!

MKS: NO!

Gravi: YOU'RE SO CRUEL!

Drags GraviTiger of stage.

MKS: Come now I'll give you some corn when we get home.

Gravi: Canned corn?

MKS: Hey, not too much corn. It's a type of poison if you too much of it. It will also make you constipated.

Sesshy: Well that's good because I was a bit frightened of her. I guess that leaves contestant number three.

Screen flips up to show Kikyo.

Sesshy: I guess that's not too bad.

Inu: Oh yes it is.

Inuyasha runs on stage.

Inu: Kikyo's mine! Got that!

Inuyasha does wind scar and breaks down the whole building.

Sesshy: Sigh I guess there is no one out there for me.

Kagura: Oh yes there is.

Kagura comes flying down from her big feather.

Sesshy: Yay the actual person I wanted to date!

They both go off skipping together. Happy ending.


	13. Inuyasha Goes to the Vet

**Inuyasha Goes to the Vet**

**Some people were wondering how I came up with this. I had a flee bite on my foot and I was saying that my cats need to go to the vet. I was reading fanfics at the time when it hit me. Inuyasha goes to the vet.**

Inuyasha kept scratching furiously behind his ear.

"Myoga, leave me alone okay?"

"Lord Inuyasha I'm over here."

Myoga was on Kagome's shoulders.

"Inuyasha I think you have flees." said Kagome in a concerned voice.

"I do not have flees! I'm just irritated."

Still continues to scratch behind his ears.

"Come Inuyasha, I'm taking you to the vet."

"What's a vet?"

"Some one who gets rid of flees."

At the vet

"Girr! I can't stand this anymore! Make the line go faster Kagome!"

"I can't! You'll just have to be patient and wait. Play with the other dogs."

Dogs are barking madly.

"Inuyasha can you make those dogs shut up?"

"I wish. All they do is complain how they don't want to get fixed, whatever that is."

Kagome gave a reinsuring chuckle.

A dog goes up behind Inuyasha and sniffs his ass.

"Do you mind!"

The dog runs away with it's tail in between his legs.

"Good boy Scruffy! Here's a dog biscuit."

Inuyasha turns to see a dog with a treat.

"Get away from that, it's mine!"

Inuyasha fights with the other dog and steals it's biscuit away.

The owner is not happy.

"Is this your dog?"

"Yes sadly enough it is."

She throws Inuyasha at her.

"Stay put okay Inuyasha."

"Fine."

Not even five minutes had past before Inuyasha was attacking another dog for it's treat.

"SIT BOY!"

He fell to the floor face first.

He was not pleased that he had to wear a muzzle.

It felt like forever until the doctor yelled out, "Higurashi, Kagome."

"Right here."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"My dog Inuyasha has flees."

"Hang on a minute then we will take him in to look at him."

He puts down his clipboard to answer to another owner.

He picked up a different clipboard.

"Come with me Inuyasha."

Inuyasha followed him into the room.

What was taking him so long?

It doesn't take hours to get rid of flees.

"All done." said the vet. "The operation went perfectly."

"You needed to operate on Inuyasha to get rid of flees?" exclaimed Kagome.

"Flees! We just got him fixed!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!" shouted Inuyasha from the other room.

"This isn't right! Put them back on!" He said looking down at his pants.

"We can do that."

Inuyasha started scratching a place that you should not scratch in public.

"We can prevent that."

The vet put on Inuyasha a big white collar.

"You look like a satellite dish." said Kagome.

Inuyasha was pissed.

"Well I should look on the bright side. At least he will be more relaxed."

"Damn it Kagome! I still have flees!"


	14. Arts and Crafts

**Arts and Crafts**

"What am I suppose to make?"

"Just make something Higurashi."

The teacher walked away from Kagome's table.

"Well I guess I'll make something for Inuyasha."

Kagome picked up her clay and made little figures out of them.

On the other side of the well

Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting by the fire at night.

"Inuyasha I brought you something."

"Is it ramen?"

"No."

"Then I don't want it."

"Here just take it."

She handed him his present in a paper towel.

"What is this?"

"I made it in art class."

Pulls out two clay figures.

"It's you and me. Do you like it?"

"Kagome…"

He stares deeply in her eyes.

"There melting in my hands."

The fire was melting the clay figures into mush.

"Oh no. I worked so hard on those."

"Well I guess clay melts."

Kagome got a brilliant idea.

Kagome followed Kikyo's soul stealers to find her.

"Kikyo!" yelled Kagome.

Kikyo turns around to look at her.

"I challenge you!" she continued.

"Who ever wins gets Inuyasha heart! Agreed?"

"Agreed. I will go easy on you."

"Fine. I'll return the favor. All I'll have is this canned stuff, this tiny box, one arrow and a bow. That's all I'll use."

"Fine you attack first."

Kagome picks up and aims her only shot. She pathetically misses.

"I thought even you were better than that."

Kagome comes running forward pulling out the tiny box and the long can.

It's hair spray and matches!

She lights the match on fire and sprays the hair spray at Kikyo.

Kikyo howls in pain.

She melted and all that was left was bones.

"Hmm. I thought girls were made out of sugar, spice and everything nice not clay, bones and grave yard soil."


	15. MimiKamiSama meets Inuyasha

**Mimi-Kami-Sama Meets Inuyasha**

**Yay! I finally put myself as a main person in a fanfic. You knew it had to happen, but I'm speaking for all the Inuyasha fans out there who'd probably do this too. If not I still think I'd do this if I met him.**

Mimi-Kami-Sama was searching on the internet for months now. Finally she had found what she was look for. "Aw right! I finally found it! The Higurashi shrine in Japan! MOM I'M GOING TO JAPAN!"

She reached Japan with no difficulties and was now on a trolley going through Tokyo. Thanks to watching tons of Inuyasha and reading Japanese street slang she could speak it fluently. (I wish) The man driving was saying, "If you look to your right you will see the Higurashi shrine."

"This is my spot" she said. When no one was looking she jumped of the trolley and was sneaking towards the shrine. When she reached there she checked to make sure no one was watching before she opened the door and went through. She saw that well and beamed. She knew what to do. She jumped through and saw flashes of blue light. This made her giggle with glee. On the other side of the well she noticed she was too short to jump out. (Stupid Asian shortness. --') so she climbed up a vine to get out. Once she had got out she looked around at her surroundings.

"This is total bodacious!" (I know so 90's) "I all I have to do now is to find Inuyasha." It didn't take her long before she spotted the demon with the most adorable dog ears. She let out a squeal. "INUYASHA!" He looked shocked as the teenaged girl lounged herself upon him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm your number one fan! Mimi-Kami-Sama!" (I know I'm not the number one fan, but hey this is my fanfic)

"Meme what?" She wrapped her arms around the demons waist.

"I will never let you go!"

"Hey get off of me." She just smiled at him. Eventually she let go, but that didn't mean she didn't stop. Every time she saw him she would attach herself at his hips. Kagome was not pleased. "Why does this girl keep following me?" he'd ask every time this happened. She would not answer. All she did was smile and giggle. She had stayed there even long enough to make a shirt that said 'Inuyasha #1 Fan'. In time the demon seemed to get used to her.

"You know she's not so bad." He said one day.

"Yay!" she exclaimed. "I have finally put you into a false sense of security!"

"You what?" howled Inuyasha. But before he knew what happened he was knocked out. Mimi-Kami-Sama was running around in s red kimono that was two sizes too big for her little body.

"I've done it!" she proclaimed. "I've stolen Inuyasha clothes!"

"You what!" shouted Kagome and Kikyo together.

"You vile girl, what have you done to Inuyasha?" asked Kikyo.

"Ya what did you do with him?" added Kagome.

"I stole his clothes and to pictures of him naked!" Kagome and Kikyo were furious. Inuyasha showed up in a barrel (but if you want him naked fine. What ever tickles your fancies.)

"You wench, give me back my clothes!"

"NEVER!" she yelled. The chased her all the way to the bone eaters well before she jumped in and screamed "Ebay here I come!"

**Note: If I actually had Inuyasha clothes I wouldn't sell them on ebay. Second I know I just made no sense with me jumping back and forth through time without a Shikon shard, but it's just a story. Oh wait it made sense, it made non sense! I love me!**


	16. I Hate This Time of Month

**I Hate This Time of Month**

"DAMN IT!" shouted Kagome. "I hate this time of the month!"

"Quit your whining will you Kagome." Inuyasha said, very annoyed with all Kagome's yelling. "Is this another one of those things when you go back to your time and take some stupid pointless test?"

"No that only happens once in awhile, but this happens every month around this time." Kagome looked up and stared at the sky. "Inuyasha it looks like it's you time of the month as well."

"What!" He looked up and discovered she was right. There was no moon out today. "You go through this too Kagome?"

"Not exactly, I have a period."

"Um, what's a period?" Kagome gawped at Inuyasha. How could he not know what a period is? There are women around everywhere that could have told him this. It's not like they're protected with pads or anything.Kagome really didn't feel like teaching Inuyasha the basis of sex Ed.

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. I won' go into details, but I'm sure that monk would know. But Inuyasha all you need to know is during my time I am over come by emotion before and during my week."

"What your time is a full week?"

"Sometimes. I could be longer it could be shorter."

"Man I feel sorry for you. Is there any way to prevent yours?"

"Nope. But I can stop it to a degree."

"How?"

"With a," She turned around and grabbed something in her back pack. She turned back to see Inuyasha's human. "Tampon."

"Can this help me?"

"Nope. I guess we're in this together." They both sighed. "Want chocolate?"


	17. Inuyasha Wet Dream

**Inuyasha Wet Dream**

**Note: I love you all! You made my dream of getting over 100 reviews before I had it on a month possible! I give you all toast and squirrels. (Actually random fact. Squirrels smell like short bread cookies. I take care of animals. No good drugs in my town so we sniff squirrels. Jk) **

"Oh yes!" screamed Inuyasha. "More Kagome give me more!" Kagome wakes up to Inuyasha moans. She stared at him. Sango and Miroku had awakened as well.

"What's happening Kagome?" asked Sango. Inuyasha was now rolling around in his sleep. "What's wrong with Inuyasha?"

"I think I no what's happening. I think he's having a wet dream." said Miroku. Kagome frowned. "What is he dreaming about?"

"Faster damn it Kagome!" They all raised their eyebrows.

"I guess we know what it is now." Miroku said. Inuyasha still kept getting louder as he shouted in his sleep.

"You're so good at that Kagome. I love eating this." A pulse was protruding from Kagome's head.

"I'm going to bed!" she exclaimed. Shippo ran between Sango's legs.

"What's going on?" asked the little demon.

"That little pervert." Sango went back to bed. Inuyasha was still moaning louder.

"What's going on?" asked Shippo again.

Miroku decided to answer his question. "He's having a wet dream."

"What's a wet dream about?"

"You ask him when he wakes up." Inuyasha was drooling everywhere. That morning Shippo ran up to Inuyasha.

"Hey Inuyasha!'

"What do you wanted?" he grunted.

"What were you dreaming about yesterday?" Inuyasha closed his eyes in concentration with his tongue rubbing his teeth.

"I was dreaming about Kagome making me ramen." Shippo looked confused.

"What's so perverted about that?"

"Who ever said it was perverted?"

"Sango, Miroku and Kagome. They said you were having a wet dream."

…


	18. Outtakes

**Outtakes**

**Disclaimer: I read this Inuyasha and thought it was funny.**

**Scene: when Sesshoumaru and Naraku join force and Sesshoumaru puts his hand through Inuyasha's chest**

Sesshoumaru: (melts a hole in Inuyasha's chest with his poison hand)

Inuyasha: aaahhhhhh

Sesshoumaru: (pulls out his hand)

Inuyasha: (falls face down on the ground and lays motionless)

Sesshoumaru: ... (looking down at Inuyasha and kicks Inuyasha's lifeless body a few times) ... uhhh Inuyasha?... _oh damn, he's dead... _

Director: cut cut cut... Inuyasha? ... SESSHOUMARU, YOU KILLED HIM! AAHHHH I'M RUIN... SESSHOUMARU (running after him with a gun)

Sesshoumaru: oh no, gotta fly (Sesshoumaru is on a cloud and flying away from the director)

Director: aaaaahhhhh damn you, Sesshoumaru... this is coming out of your paychecks!

**Scene: when Shippou and Miroku tell Inuyasha to choose between Kikyou and Kagome**

Inuyasha: I don't suppose I can have both of them

Shippou: You two timing

Miroku: Well, it's a common problem between men such as ourselves. That's one thing to have both, but another to keep it a secret. For, if either girls were to find out... ugh... oh no... (looks around and sees Sango, Kikyou, and Kagome surrounding the boys)

Sango: JERKS (starts whacking Miroku with her boomerang)

Inuyasha: uhhh Kikyou, Kagome, I can explain...

Kikyou and Kagome: (pull out their bows and arrows and about to shoot Inuyasha)

Inuyasha: aaahhhhhhhh (running for his life)

Director: girls... what are you doing? stop girls before you kill them...

**Scene: when Jaken asks Sesshoumaru about the Tenseiga**

Sesshoumaru: Jaken (pulls out his Tenseiga and cuts Jaken with it)

Jaken: aaahhh lord Sesshoumaru... why? (falls down)

Sesshoumaru: get up, Jaken. You're fine.

Jaken: (lays lifelessly on the ground)

Sesshoumaru: (kicks Jaken's body a few times) he's dead..._ oh, no...not again... _(looks at his sword) hey! this isn't my Tenseiga!

Director: who switched Sesshoumaru's Tenseiga with a real sword? (a Jaken hater runs from the studio) aaahhhh get that idiot people... (everyone on the set is chasing after Jaken's murderer)

**Scene: when Kouga kidnaps Kagome**

Kouga: (got Kagome and starts running away) aaahhhh (slips on a banana peel...)

Kouga and Kagome: aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (are falling off the cliff)

Director: CUT! who puts that banana peel there?

Inuyasha: (eating bananas) ugh... oppss... (runs away)

Director: aaaahhhhhhh (starts slamming his head against the rock) aaahhhh

**Scene: when Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha are fighting in their father's tomb**

Sesshoumaru: (grabs his ear and runs his fingers through his hair)

Inuyasha: uumm! Sesshoumaru, don't you think that kinda girly?

Sesshoumaru!!! girly?

Director: ummm I think Inuyasha is right, Sesshoumaru... maybe you shouldn't run your fingers through your hair like that...

Sesshoumaru: HOW DARE YOU CALL I, SESSHOUMARU, GIRLY. (transforms into his huge dog demon form and attacks Inuyasha and the director)

Inuyasha and Director: aaahhhhh (run away and hide)

**Scene: when Rin offers Sesshoumaru food**

Rin: (hands Sesshoumaru food, but he refuses) grrrr! EAT THE FOOD, YOU NEED TO GET BETTER! (shoves it into his face)

Director: CUT! Rin, you're not suppose to shove the food into Sesshoumaru's face, stick to the script

Rin: oh ok

Director: ok take two ... and action

Rin: (hands Sesshoumaru food, but he refuses) ahhhh! grrrrr! (shoves the food into Sesshoumaru's face again, and start whacking him in the face) EAT punch THE punch FOOD! punch

Director: RIN CALM DOWN! (but she still punching him) GET SECURITY! (they grab Rin and she finally calms down)

Sesshoumaru: (lays motionless)

Rin: uhh Sesshoumaru? oh no, I think he's dead (runs away)

**Scene: when Inuyasha punches a hole in Yura's chest**

Yura!!!! what the? YOU JERK (slaps Inuyasha and he goes flying)

Director: Inuyasha, what are you doing? You're suppose to punch a hole through her chest, not grab it!

Kagome: (to Inuyasha) You pervert!

Inuyasha: but... what did I do wrong? My script says... (Miroku is giggling in the background)

Inuyasha: (to Miroku) you changed my script! aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh die you stupid monk (chasing after Miroku with his Tetsusaiga)

**Scene: when Naraku gets his new body and kidnaps Kikyou**

Inuyasha and Kagome: (staring at Naraku) O.o (giggling)

Naraku: (naked) ... what's so funny? Will you people stop giggling? Can we all be adults here?

Kagome: (pink face, looks away) I can't look at that...

Kikyou: (to Kagome) you think that's bad? I have to let him touch me

Inuyasha!!!! touch?

Kagome: (to Kikyou) sure... don't pretend like you hate it... why don't you just stay with Naraku and leave Inuyasha and I alone!

Kikyou: why don't you go back to your own time, little girl!

Kikyou and Kagome: (face off) gggrrrrrrrrrrr

Director: girls! calm down! This is not the time, we have a show to do here. Girls!

Inuyasha: (tapping on the director's shoulder) so... what's with the Naraku-touching-Kikyou talk?

Director: uh... Inuyasha... it's in the script...

Inuyasha: well, change the script... OR ELSE... (sharpening his claws)

Director: but...but... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh (runs off with Inuyasha chasing after him)

Naraku: (watching) kukukuku this is fun and I didn't have to do anything

**Scene: When Kagura tells Sesshoumaru where his new sword, Toukijin, is**

Kagura: so you're Inuyasha's elder brother. You got a fine face.

Sesshoumaru: I know. You came all that way just to tell me that?

Kagura: well yes, that and where did you get your red eye-makeup from? It's so much better than mine

Sesshoumaru: It's not make-up. Is that's all?

Kagura: ggrrr you really are clueless!

Sesshoumaru: ... what?

Rin: (in the background, not moving) lord Sesshoumaru, she's trying to flirt with you

Sesshoumaru: ... what?

Kagura: (takes a feather out of her hair and flies away) how dense can you be? JUST GO GET YOUR STUPID SWORD

Sesshoumaru: (to Jaken and the director) so... what does she means by flirt?

Director and Jaken: (sweatdrop) ...

**Scene: When Jakotsu first show up**

Director: ... Jakotsu, what are you wearing? Why aren't you dress yet?

Jakotsu: they wouldn't let me in the dressing room --

Inuyasha: that's because you wouldn't stop staring at us... you pervert

Jakotsu: I wasn't staring. I was just...admiring o

Inuyasha, Miroku, Naraku, Sesshoumaru, Kouga, Bankotsu, Suikotsu, Renkotsu: ...

Miroku: (eyes twitching) that's it. (unwrapping his right hand) I'm sucking him in

Director: Miroku! No! (to Jakotsu) ummm can you try to use the girls' dressing room?

Kagome, Sango, Kikyou, Kagura: ...

Sango: don't even think about it

Kagura: dare to come near our dressing room and we'll kill you...

Director: come on, girls. It's not like he's interested in any you... (Girls veins popping everywhere) ughhhh aaaahhhhh (arrows, boomerang, and wind are after him) aaaaahhhhh (runs off hiding)

**Scene: when Sesshoumaru and Naraku are making a deal**

Sesshoumaru: I should know the name of the one I'm making a deal with

Naraku: I am called ... aaahhh water...

Sesshoumaru: ... what the!... you're name is Water?

Director: ... follow the script, people

Naraku: NO, I NEED WATER... aaahhhh so hot in here! this stupid monkey suit

Sesshoumaru: ... quit your whining. You only have to wear that for a few minutes. I, on the other hand, have to drag this fur thing around for 24/7

Naraku: it's 100 degree and I'm covered from head to toe with fur! AAAHHH WHERE IS MY WATER? WHY DO I HAVE TO DRESS LIKE A MONKEY? AAAHHH THIS IS ALL YOUR STUPID IDEA (chasing the director)

Director: aaaahhhhhh (running away) stop attacking me... I didn't write the story. I'm only a director. ahhhhhhhh

Shippou: I think Naraku finally lost it...

Inuyasha: yup, about time!

**Scene: when Naraku is spying on Kikyou**

Kikyou: Naraku, I know you're here

Naraku: sharp as ever, Kikyou... but, how do you always know when I'm around?

Kikyou: ... your theme music is a dead give away

Naraku: --;

Inuyasha Group: WHAT? Naraku has his own theme music?

Director: ... _how dumb are these people?_


	19. Things Kagome Wouldn't Say

**Things Kagome Wouldn't Say**

**Disclaimer: I got this off of Akako's Inuyasha group. **

1. Kikyo, I insist, you had him first. Go ahead, you can have him.

2. Miroku, I'm fed up with this. I'm so sick of Inuyasha; let's try for what you first wanted it to be like!

3. Shippo, get lost.

4. Maybe I should go for that other boy... at least he's not a demon.

5. I never noticed how mature and cute Sesshoumaru is before...

6. Koga and Inuyasha, why don't you two fight it out? I'll take the one who doesn't die!

7. Here Koga, I want you to have all of these jewel shards we've collected...

8. Sango, why do you keep pushing Miroku farther away from you? Can't you see he loves you?

9. Miroku, you're going about it all wrong. Girls like it when you give those flowers and candy and stuff, not grab their butts.

10. There's no place like home, there's no place like home... click click click

11. Poor Naraku.

12. Poor Sesshoumaru, having a half-demon as his little brother. Such a loss...

13. Inuyasha, would you do me a favor? Give Miroku these flowers and tell them that Sango gave them to him, all right? What do you mean why? Because Miroku is such a sweet guy, not all mean like you. I didn't mean it that way... you know it's true. Look, at least he doesn't go off and see 2 girls at once... well, you have a point... 5 girls at once isn't 2 girls, though, and at least he apologizes... you know what? I don't have to listen to this. Sit boy! Storms off to Miroku

14. Hey Sesshoumaru, do you care if we refer to you as Fluffy? Oh, you don't? Great!

15. Inuyasha, that outfit is sooo 5 minutes ago. Come back to the present with me and we can go shopping!

16. Maybe I should start a baby sitting service here in Futile Japan. I can teach the kids how to fight demons, do some geometry, shoot archery, and work on some history...

17. Koga, I've decided I'm going to the Tarzan/Jane look this season, so I'm coming back to be your mate for a while.

18. Inuyasha when you did say get undressed, I was hoping you meant REALLY get undressed, even though I knew what you meant by it. That's why I hit you on the head with a rock.

19. Inuyasha, how about we head back and take a shower?

20. Naraku! Wait, you dropped these jewel shards!

21. (Very sweetly yelled) Oh, Sessy! Wait, I mean, Oh Sesshoumaru! I LOVE YOU!

22. Oh Sessy, um I mean Fluffy, no wait... (What is his name...) Oh yeah! _Oh Sesshoumaru! _I Love You!

23. OK, for show and tell I bought my friends. They live in the futile era, and some of them are demons... Uh-Oh, where's Miroku? scream comes up from the girls bathroom

24. Miroku, I think you should come to my house one day and meet all my friends!

25. So buddy, how would you like to have a good time? It's only 50 bucks!

27. Oh Hojo...I LOVE YOU! SOB

28. Of course you can go to hell with Kikyo, Inuyasha! I don't mind! David

29. I wonder if 'sit boy' would work on Sesshoumaru?

30. Inuyasha, do you wanna come back home with me on Saturday? We could, you know, go see a movie and go shopping afterwards!

31. Why don't we ever fight any cute and shirtless demons?


	20. Too Much Inuyasha

**Too Much Inuyasha**

**Disclaimer: I got this off of Akako's Inuyasha group. **

1. Every time someone makes you mad you yell "OSUWARI/SIT!"

2. You wear fake dog ears. . .in public.

3. When you're absent from work/school for a long time, your excuse is "I was searching for Shikon shards!"

4. You take an old fluffy scarf and wear it around your shoulder.

5. You color a black hole on your right hand with a pen and walk around yelling "Kazaana" while waving your hand around.

6. You try to attach an extra tail to your cat.

7. At your favorite department store, you ask if they carry giant boomerangs.

8. Carry a staff around (bonus points if you ask every girl you meet to bear your child)

9. Check around every tree in the forest just in case you meet a boy sealed to one.

10. Every time you see a well, you jump into it and see if you travel back to the Sengoku Jidai (Warring states Era) only to realize you need someone to pull you out of it.

11. You travel to Japan and ask everyone you meet if they know a Higurashi Kagome.

12. You crack your knuckles and growl every time someone begins to annoy you.

13. "Feh" and "Keh" become regular words in your vocabulary.

14. You own every bit of Inuyasha stuff you can get your hands on, and you search the internet daily for new stuff to add to your collection.

15. You find yourself absently rubbing your cat/dog's ears while thinking about Inuyasha.

16. You try to bring your ex boyfriend to hell

17. You try to kill your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend

18. You address Sesshoumaru as Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands.

19. You get suspended from school because your skirt is too short.

20. You badger your parents into getting a pet flea

21. You name the pet flea Myoga

22. You teach the flea to say "Lord Inuyasha" to your dog.

23. You call potato chips 'chips potato' (Nobunaga in episode 8 English version).

24. You are afraid of a new moon.

25. You are afraid of monks/priests (you never know they may be related to the perv).

26. You are afraid of monks because you think they will ask you to bear their child.

27. You bow your head in respect every time Sesshoumaru comes on the screen.

28. You start to think your name is Inuyasha.

29. You jam a piece of plastic in each leg and claim every girl you see as "your woman"

30. You go around looking for shards of a jewel and tell people you need them to turn full demon.

31. You get your dog's fang and go to a sword shop and ask them to make a sword that can kill 100 demons in one swipe.

32. You make the sword shop make another one that brings 100 people back to life.

33. You sleep in trees with a stick by your side.

34. You pick fights with siblings claiming that they have your sword.

35. You start to call your friends "Jaken" and order them to baby sit your little sister.

36. You run around with a sharp stick yelling "Tetsusaiga!"

37. You know the Inuyasha episodes by heart and replay them in your head 24/7

38. Your teacher asks for your homework you say that Inuyasha ate it

39. You paint markings on your face that match Sesshoumaru's

40. You name all your pets after the characters in Inuyasha

41. You start calling your friends and enemies after characters in Inuyasha

42. Every time you hear Birds of Paradise you scream and jump under the nearest object

43. All you eat is ramen

44. You never use your left arm

45. You never wear shoes

46. You call the guy you like Inuyasha

47. You get mad at him and tell him to "sit"

48. You wear the same skirt and shirt everyday (I did that for a month...washed it every night.)

49. You go to the lake to have a bath.

50. You begin to wonder what it would be like if you were in the Inuyasha series.

51. You call people dough Heads like Kagome calls Inuyasha from the episode where he is first human (Kaho- I do that all the time xD)


	21. Pointless Chapter in Random Crap

**Pointless Chapter in Random Crap**

**Note: I'm terribly bored so I'll write a chapter that has nothing to do with anything. KinkyKikyo gave me this idea.**

"Oh Inuyasha," I say in a playful voice.

"What is it woman, I'm trying to sleep."

"I have a gift for you from the future…."

Inuyasha quickly jumps down from the branch in the tree.

"What?"

"Hold out your hands and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise."

"Fine, but this better be worth it."

Inuyasha closes his eyes and I drop a box into his hands.

Inuyasha falls over from the heavy gift.

"What the hell is this wench?"

"Oh you thought it was something perverted Inuyasha. Naughty naughty. I thought you were better than Miroku."

Inuyasha pouts.

"Well what in the seven hells is it?"

"Open it up and you will see."

I smile at him, but he grumbles in response.

"What the fuck is this!"

Inuyasha opens a case of red bull.

"It's red bull. Don't you like it?"

"I heard it tasted pretty nasty."

"But I thought you wanted to fly like Sesshoumaru." 

"What!"

"Oh didn't you know, red bull gives you wings!"

"Give me that!"

Inuyasha drinks all of red bull.

"Bleh, that tastes disgusting!"

Inuyasha grows wings from the back of his …well back.

"Yay. I can finally fly like Sesshoumaru. Thanks"

Hugs me.

Inuyasha looks behind at his wings.

"Not exactly a tail, but close enough."

**I know it sucked but hey I'm really bored. The person giving the gift can be Kagome, me or you. You decide.**


	22. Sexual Harassment

**Sexual Harassment**

**Note: I was hoping to reach 200 reviews before tomorrow but I guess I have not been as productive as I hoped. I promise I will write more when marching band is over. Over 75 reviews in less than a month is still not bad. To make it up to you guys I will try to write three chapters tonight to make it up to you guys. **

**For this fanfic it's stuff I have noticed has happened at the end of season four and beginning of season five. See all of the men he has hit on. For all who read my profile Jakotsu is my role model, now see why. **

Jakotsu first target, Inuyasha

Jakotsu: Could that be Inuyasha? blush How cute!

Jakotsu second target, Miroku

Jakotsu: Inuyasha' cute, but that monk is sexy.

Miroku: Is it okay to suck this guy up?

Jakotsu third target, Koga

Jakotsu: Mmm, that short kilt is a nice touch. But somehow, he's not my type.

Koga: Hey, what's this idiot going on about?

Koga's followers sorry I don't know there names: No clue.

Jakotsu fourth target: Sesshoumaru (I couldn't believe this. He didn't even think he was sexy when Bankotsu sent him to go after Sesshoumaru)

Jakotsu: Now that I have a closer look…you sure are a sexy guy.

Mimi-Kami-Sama: Now are you afraid for my sanity?


	23. Sheila

**Sheila**

**Note: GraviTiger showed this to me and I thought it was very amusing.**

Inuyasha is holding a child upside down by their ankle.

Inuyasha: Kagome what the hell is this!

Kagome: It's our baby! It's she cute!

Inuyasha: Our what!

Kagome: Our baby! Let's name her Sheila! I've always wanted to name my daughter Sheila!"

Inuyasha sniffs the child.

Inuyasha: I say we call her it.

Kagome: But I want to name her Sheila.

Inuyasha: How about we compromise and call her "Shit".

Kagome: How about you just sit.

Inuyasha falls face forward.


	24. Inuyasha Plays Tennis

**Inuyasha Plays Tennis**

**Note: InuYasha Alchemist was telling me how they play tennis and for some reason it made me think of this. To my last chapter before my two month deadline. Cheers.**

Kagome is playing tennis against a green wall. She hits the ball forward and it comes back at her with twice the amount of force.

"Kagome, lookout!" She only sees a red blur run pass her before she had a huge sweat drop fall from her head. "Keh, this stupid thing could never defeat Kagome."

Inuyasha was trying to tear the ball to pieces before Kagome yelled, "SIT!" He fell forward and looked up at her aggressively.

"What did you do that for? I was just trying to protect you from…from…" He stared at the green tennis ball. "Kagome what the hell is this thing?"

"It's a tennis ball Inuyasha. And could you make yourself look less noticeable."

"What is it used for?" he asked as he sniffed the ball. Kagome was distractedly watching Hojo and his dog playing fetch.

So mid way of telling him what she was doing she blurted out, "It's for…playing fetch. Hey, do you want to play fetch."

Inuyasha now looked at Hojo and his pet. "Feh, I'll pass. I will not degrade myself so much for your amusement. But that's not what you were doing with it. What was the thing you were doing?"

"Oh I was playing tennis."

"Tennis? What's tennis?"

"It's a sport." Kagome answered. "You saw me playing volleyball before. It's a game, but it's different."

"How?"

"Here," she said, standing up. "I'll teach you how to play."

Inuyasha got up to his feet and went on the other side of the net. At first he held the paddle upside down before Kagome went over to correct him.

"Okay," she said. "The basic point of the game is to swing the object at your hand and hit the ball towards me. You think you got that?"

"Yeah, yeah. How hard can it be?" Kagome hit the tennis ball and it came souring towards Inuyasha.

Inuyasha was swing the paddle like a mad man. He had almost actually hit the tennis ball but aimed too high and fell forward into the ball. Kagome came over in a hurry.

"Inuyasha are you all right."

"Get away from me woman, of course I'm all right. I just don't get this game."

After playing for ten minutes Inuyasha started getting the hang of it.

"Hey Kagome I think I've got it." He spoke too soon. As soon as Kagome tried to hot the ball she tripped and made the aim of it too low. She hit it with such force it hit Inuyasha in his "area" and made him keel over. She came rushing over.

"Inuyasha I'm so sorry!"

Inuyasha had gotten the breath taken out of him and when he could speak all he said was, "I think I'm now willing to give fetch a try…"


	25. Blame the Dog

**Blame the Dog**

**A conversation between me and InuYasha Alchemist**

Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kagome and Inuyasha are sitting in a cave hiding from Naraku. All of a sudden they hear this fart noise. A smell beyond smells fills that little cave making everyone almost gag.

"Oh god!" exclaims Kagome, waving her hand in front of her nose. "Who did that?"

"Not me." says Sango, while plugging her nose.

"I didn't and even if I did women don't fart like that."

Inuyasha looks at Shippo.

"What you think it's me? How can a little guy like me make something as big as that?"

That only left Inuyasha and Miroku. Naraku bends over and looks into the cave.

"I think it's Inuyasha."

They all look at the half-demon. Inuyasha looks around and gives everyone a foul look as he says, "Oh sure, blame the dog."

**I know that was bad and short, but I haven't written anything in awhile. I have a missing chapter some where that I wrote before Thanksgiving, but I lost it. I'll post it when I find it.**


	26. Nose

**Nose**

**This is just something my guy bitch Alex showed me in band. Yes I do indeed have bitches**

Kagome was so far behind in school that she didn't have any point in attending to it anymore. With every tick of the clock it felt like an eternity passed by. "Ohh," she groaned as she bashed her head on the table in the back of Wac Donald's. "When did school get so hard?"

"It's okay," said Eri as she patted Kagome on the back comfortingly. "It's hard for us too."

"Yeah," said Yuka, once she had finished sipping her coke. "All you have to do is miss a day and you feel so far behind. It's hard enough following when you're there everyday."

"You know what gets me through my troubles," Ayume stated. "Reading." The rest of them groaned.

"Ayume," began Kagome. "I already have enough time reading for school. When will I have time to read a book, and I'm not saying that I want to."

"Do it before you go to bed like me." She smiled. "Trust me it will make you feel better."

"But I don't have a book I want to read."

"Here," said Eri, as she looked through her backpack. "I got this at an anime convention. I've already read it five times. You can read it."

"Thanks." said Kagome, sarcastically.

Kagome jumped through the well after she had met up with her friends. She met up with Inuyasha and the others and prepared to go to bed in Kaede village. She lied there awake, not drossy at all. "All right all right." She muttered at herself. "I'll read the book. She goes into her huge yellow backpack and started reading Wrong About Japan. (The book I got the info from.)

It was actually pretty interesting. It had a whole bunch of facts that even she didn't know. She came across this one page and her eyes widened. Is this true? She glanced at Inuyasha. _I'll see for myself _she thought to herself.

Very slowly and carefully she undid Inuyasha pants. Inuyasha stirred and woke up to see Kagome pulling his pants off. "Kagome!" he shouted, in a whisper. "What in the seven hells are you doing?"

"I just wanted to see if the book was telling the truth."

"What book?" he asked. She shows him the Wrong About Japan. "What does that book have to do with any of this?"

"Well," said Kagome, while flipping pages. "It says here in this book that if an anime character has a big nose it means they have a big penis." There was an awkward silence.

"But I have a small nose…"


	27. The Bet

**The Bet**

**I got all these comebacks at InuYasha Alchemist thought it would be funny for Miroku to start hitting on Sango and Sango would respond in a witty manner. This is when Sango and Miroku first met.**

"I'm going to do it!" states the perverted monk. "I'm going to straight out and hit on Sango!"

"I dunno man." says the half-demon, as he picks a flea out of his hair. "I don't think Sango will fall for that kind of thing."

"Oh I bet she will."

"Oh yeah, you wanna make a bet on it?"

"Gladly. What are we going to bet on?"

"Tonight's dinner. I want you to pay for my dinner, but let's make this interesting. Chose a number between one and ten."

"How about lucky number nine."

"Okay, here's our deal. If Sango rejects you nine times tonight, then you have to pay for dinner."

"You're on." The two boys shake hands to seal the deal. So later at breakfast the monk made his first move. They were eating at some restaurant that Miroku had paid for when he saw his first opportunity. Sango is eating alone, with an empty chair next to her. (I know they ate on the floor at this time, but for the pick up line there needs to be a chair.)

"Hey Sango, is this seat empty?"

"Yes and this one will be if you sit down."

"Ouch," says Inuyasha from behind Miroku. "One down." He says, while walking away laughing. The monk would not be discouraged. He must keep trying.

"So um Sango, how do you like your egg in the morning?"

"Unfertilized." Her face expression did not change one bit. She just continued eating her breakfast.

"Wow, are my ears deceiving me?" came the voice of the half-demon, laughing. "Or did Miroku just get struck twine in one minute." Miroku begins to blush. Around noon time everyone remained quiet. Miroku thought he would break the mood by talking to Sango.

"So Sango, isn't there some place we've met before?"

"Yes and that's why I don't go there anymore." I see Inuyasha turn around and hold up three fingers, snickering.

"Well tell me about yourself. What's your sign?"

"Do not enter." Miroku could hear Inuyasha laughing from the front.

"Um what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a female impersonator." This time even Kagome laughs. He did not dare speak to her the rest of the walk. For the stop at lunch Miroku tried to avoid Sango. He only had four more times to be rejected before he would have to pay for dinner. He'd better plan them right. He decided to talk with Inuyasha for lunch.

"Man if I saw her naked I would die happy." Miroku says, as he leans on the doorway.

"If I saw you naked then I would die laughing." Sango says as she leaves through the door. Miroku looks at Inuyasha trying to hold back laughter.

"Stop Laughing!"

"I'm sorry, but that one was pretty good." The day is going by fast and Miroku is running out of time. He better at least try to get Sango to notice him. He manages to corner her outside of Kaede's hut. "Sango there is some things I have to tell you."

"I'm listening."

"You're so beautiful. Your body is like a temple."

"Sorry there are services today." He is running out of ideas.

"Look Sango I know we just meet, but I would go to the end of the world for you."

"But would you stay there?"

"Of course." She does nothing, but then smiles. She reaches down and grabs the monk's hand. He smiles back. "Your place or mine?"

"Both. You'll go to your's and I'll go to mine."

"Score!" The monk looks around and spots Inuyasha on the roof. "That's nine."

"No way that is nine! I counted eight!"

"I counted the end of the world one."

"But she didn't reject me!"

"But she didn't say something like 'Ah that's so sweet' either. Cough up." Miroku grumbles as he buys Inuyasha dinner.

"Did you win?" asks Kagome."

"Yup," he smiles. "Here's your part of the deal."

"Her part of the deal!"

"Ya, I told Inuyasha Sango was on her period."

"You knew this Inuyasha!"

"Yup so there was no way you were gunna win this one."


	28. Odd Story

**Odd Story**

**I saw this on NEWGROUNDS by Krissy and I thought it was really cute. **

"Hey!" came Kagome's voice. "Inuyasha!"

"What is it Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, while blinking.

"I made you this new boxed lunch!" she exclaimed, as she brought the box close to her face with a smile. Inuyasha ears were twitching and sweat was falling from his face.

"No offense Kagome," began Inuyasha. "But I still trying recovered from the last crap you called pancakes or something…" (I don't know why she would make pancakes in Japan, but that's how the story goes…) He was not looking at her while a pulse was protruding from the side of her head.

"SIT BOY!" she yelled with all her might that made all the trees in the forest shake.

"You thought he would have learned by now." said Miroku, as Shippo jumped on his shoulders.

"No kidding." replied Sango. Inuyasha laid on the ground with a leg twitching in the air.

"Hmph. I'll go find some one who enjoys my cooking!" Kagome said stubbornly.

"Inuyasha…" came a voice out of no where.

"Huh," Inuyasha said, while in his daze of confusion.

"Still taking orders from a mortal woman I see…how pathetic." It was Lord Sesshoumaru.

"What the hell is HE doing here?" Inuyasha asked, while his ears and eyebrows were twitching. Kagome came up behind Inuyasha.

"Sesshoumaru!" she squealed with joy. "I bet he would like my cooking…" she whispered in Inuyasha ears.

"Hey," Sesshoumaru snapped. "I'm talking to you…" Kagome went over to Sesshoumaru, bowing, while offering her boxed lunch.

"Here, have some food! You look hungry!" She opened the box lunch. Everyone covered their nose as the stink spewed out from the box.

"What the hell is that smell?" Inuyasha asked, as he covered his nose with his clothe of the fire rat. The smell upset his senses so much that he became very dizzy. He looked at the lunch which looked green and gross. "My lunch!" he exclaimed, almost in a combination of shock and disgust. Sesshoumaru said nothing. He just fell to his knees and laid on the ground unconscious.

"Kagome…" began Miroku. "I think you killed him." Waterfall like tears were bursting from Kagome's eyes.

"It wasn't that bad…" Suddenly the group heard a sound from behind them and was shocked to see Naraku in his monkey outfit. He picked up Lord Sesshoumaru and carried him on Kargura's feather. They flew away with him on her giant feather. The group said nothing and there was an awkward silence.

**At Naraku's Castle…**

Naraku sighed. "Look at him Kagura…sleeping like a baby."

"Just don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, I'd hate to carry your corps."

"Ho, ho, ho!" Naraku said as he waved to Kagura goodbye. "Come on Kagura what do you take me for? Now shoo! Off you go…and I'll have my fun…" he whispered evilly once she had left. He leaned in to kiss Lord Sesshoumaru when he woke up and starred ay Naraku innocently, blinking. Naraku began to sweat madly. "Lord Sesshoumaru! You're awake! It's not what it looks like! I was just trying to…" Lord Sesshoumaru looked at Naraku confused, his ears flapping up and down.

"Sesshoumaru…is that me…" Naraku jumped back from Lord Sesshoumaru.

"Can it be…he's lost his memory?" He smiled evilly. "Ku, ku, ku. Yes and I'm Naraku your lover…"

"We're lovers…"

"That's right…" Naraku said as he leaned in to kiss Lord Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru blushed and at the last second he pushed Naraku off of him.

"I don't like to be joked around with…" he said, while still blushing, giving Naraku an innocent look. Naraku grabbed Lord Sesshoumaru and began cuddling him.

"Oh, but I'm very serious." He held up Sesshoumaru's head and whispered in his ear before biting, "Here let me show you what I mean…" Lord Sesshoumaru gasped and began to blush more.

**Several Hours Later…**

Naraku pops up from the ground looking satisfied. "So…how was it?"

"How was it?" Sesshoumaru repeated, in his old monotone voice. "MY ASS HURTS!" Sesshoumaru's evil demonic aura was spurting from his body.

"Is that so…"Naraku responded, with sweat dripping from his face. He lounged himself at Lord Sesshoumaru. "I'll kiss it and make it better!" Sesshoumaru punched Naraku in his face.

"Don't touch me!" he commanded.

"Lord Sesshoumaru I found you!" Sesshoumaru looked down at the image that was Rin. There were a couple of seconds of awkward silence.

"Rin…" he said quietly.

"Yes my Lord." She said, while beaming. Sesshoumaru turned around to look at Naraku, his evil aura back.

"I remember…" Sesshoumaru turned into his huge demon dog form, but not before exclaiming, "NARAKU!" He held Naraku in one paw, many neins in his head protruding out.

"Lord Sesshoumaru…This is Kinky, but I'll give it a try…" Sesshoumaru couldn't believe what Naraku just said and Naraku smiled happily at Sesshoumaru. So Sesshoumaru just beat the holy shit out of him.

"Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked, while walking away from Naraku's dead corps.

"Yes my Lord?"

"Never speak of this day…"

"Yes my Lord." And the both trail off into the distance.

**The End**


	29. In The Ass

**In The Ass**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. I do not own this song either (and why would I…)**

**Okay my boyfriend was singing this all through English and I was all like "Hey I haven't written anything on random crap lately. I should do that." And when both of those two things collided I was, "Oh my God! I should put this on Random Crap!" So here you go a long delayed chapter of Random Crap.**

Inuyasha was sobbing over his half empty beer that he had in his hand. After being together for how many years, Kagome just left him. But it wasn't her fault. She died you see, from the evil half-demon Naraku. He killed her for the last fragment of the Shikon jewel. Out of anger, Inuyasha almost instantly killed his foe.

In false hopes, Koga invited Inuyasha out for a celebration at a near by town pleasure house to congratulate him on his defeat of Naraku. After crying over an hour about Kagome, Koga decided to look around. The village men were all fawning over the pretty girls. Koga sighed as he walked back to sit next to Inuyasha.

The wolf-demon had long been crushing over the young, dashing half-demon, but he never knew how to express his feelings towards him. He always pretended to be interested in Kagome just to be close to him. Once he found out what Inuyasha looked like, he devised a plan to get Inuyasha attention, steal his woman, and hope he would realize how much of a bother she was too him. He was wrong.

The plan immediately back fired, but all was not over. Kagome made Inuyasha be nice to the demon and it made Koga happy. So Koga would make sure to find situations where they would meet, like following Naraku for instance. Now Kagome was dead, yet he still could not muster the strength to tell the half-demon his true feelings. Koga thought to himself he probably never will. He returns to Inuyasha and continued his routine of patting his friend on the back.

"Come on mutt-face." Koga said playfully. "No use crying over a dead mortal girl." Inuyasha howled into the sky.

"KAGOOOOOOMEE!" Koga remained silent. He wasn't good at subjects like this. If only he could do something.

With Koga's wolf like ears, he over heard a near by conversation. "God this place is dull. I mean the girls are nice, but I want some more entertainment."

"Yeah, I know." replied the man sitting next to him. "I just wish some one had the guts to go up there and, well do something like singing maybe."

"That's a good idea; maybe we can convince the manger to allow us! I'll go asks." Koga chuckled. Moments later the owner of the pleasure house stood on the podium and asked, "Is there anyone one who would like to come up here and entertain us by sing?" An idea struck Koga's mind so hard that it amazed him that he never thought about doing this before. Singing, he would sing his true feelings to Inuyasha, but what about a song?

Koga thought hard until he finally thought of something that would fit his situation. The only problem is, did he have the courage to do it? The wolf demon looked at his depressed friend and decided what to do. He was going to sing. Koga raised his hand proudly. "I would!"

Everyone stared at him as he got up and headed towards the podium. _Its okay, _he told himself_. Everything will be fine. Just remember, this may be your only chance to tell Inuyasha how you truly feel. _Koga stood up straight in front of his drunken audience. He coughs before he said, "I'd like to dedicate this song to a very special person in the audience."

Inuyasha raised up his heavy head to stare at Koga. He looked around and realized he was talking about him. It had to be, he was the only friend he brought. Koga breathed heavily before singing,

I  
Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass  
He Wants to fuck a dog in the ass  
I wanna fuck a dog  
That's right kids

Inuyasha stared stupidly at his friend. After hearing the first lined he was stunned and at a loss of words. He was horrified beyond belief of what his friend had just said, but he was not done yet. He continued.

I  
tried to fuck your mom in the ass  
tried to fuck your dad in the ass  
could only find the dog  
and it's ass

We  
Wanna fuck a dog in the ass  
We wanna fuck a dog in the ass  
We wanna fuck a dog

I  
Tried to fuck a fuckin' pirate in the ass  
Ar, me and me first mate ya scurvy cur  
Tried to fuck a fuckin' pirate  
But I found the dog  
Ar, that was no pirate man, that was thy own sister.  
(It's a Mexican pirate)

We wanna fuck a dog in the ass  
We wanna fuck a dog in the ass  
Wanna fuck a fuckin' dog

Fuck you!

The crowd sat quickly in their seats for a moment before standing up with an up roar of sound. Surprising to Inuyasha, they were cheering for Koga's courage, but after awhile they were looking for Koga's shout out. After not finding a real dog, they all assumed it was the demon with dog ears. They all applauded for him as he stood there embarrassed. He looked up at Koga. He gave Inuyasha the thumbs up with a wink. Out of shock, embarrassment, and the help of alcohol, Inuyasha passed out from the experience.

**I know it's bad, but I haven't written anything for a while. So there you have it. :P**


End file.
